Things to remember in Bleach
by too.cool.to.have.a.penname
Summary: My sad attempt at humor, inspired by other fics in the same style. Lists fifty things to remember in Bleach. Rated T because I'm paranoid.


_Okay, this fic is just something I wrote to get rid of boredom. I have read other "Things to remember in..." and "Things I can't do in..." fics, so I was inspired to write my own, and voilá, here it is, my sad attempt at humor. Some of these might even be funny, and others may be so bad you wanna cry. I don't know._

_My spellcheck seems to have died on me, so any words spelled wrongly I probably don't know how to spell at all. If you know correct spelling, feel free to point it out._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Seriously, people, how many on this site does?_

**Things to remember in Bleach:**

1. I will not call Rukia's sketches bad. She doesn't seem to appreciate honesty.

2. I will not ask Byakuya if bad sketch-drawing runs in the family.

3. I will not ask Renji if he's a natrual redhead.

4. Nor will I ask Ichigo if _his_ hair is natrual.

5. Ulquiorra is not emo.

6. Neither is Ishida.

7. Szayel is not Kusajichi Yachiru's father.

8. Or Haruno Sakura's.

9. He is certainly not their mother. I have to stop implying that.

10. I will not deliberatly spell and/or pronounce Grimmjow's name as Grim-meow.

11. I am not the daughter of the Spirit King.

12. Refering to Yumichika as beautiful is okay, as long as he's within hearing distance. Refering to Yumichika as beautiful when he's not within hearing range will get me creeped out looks and a stay in the "happy home".

13. I am not even to suggest that Yachiru and chibi-Nel are to stay in the same area.

14. I am not to go up to Aizen in the middle of a dramatic battle and shout "Uncle, why didn't you come to grandma's funeral?" just to see what happens.

15. I will not refer to Ichigo as "The shinigami with the clown hair" or "The substitute clown".

16. In case Kenpachi asks me if I can get Ichigo to fight him I am not to say yes, only to appear with one of Rukia's drawings, saying Ichigo chickened out and that the drawing is his excuse in code.

17. I will not ask Ishida to make a dress for Kon... unless I have a camera ready.

18. Hitsugaya Toushiro is not a child. I am not to sing him lullabies when he is doing paperwork.

19. I am not to switch out all the shinigamis' shikhakusho(sp?) to dresses with Chappy on them.

20. I am not, under any circumstances allowed to bring the manga "Bleach" with me anywhere in Karakura, Soul Society or Hueco Mundo.

21. The Spirit King, however, loves it.

22. I am not allowed to tell anyone to Google themselves.

23. Nor am I allowed to Google them myself and show them the results.

24. I will not tell Kurotsuchi that Ichigo is a vaizard.

25. I will not tell_ anyone _that Ichigo is a vaizard.

26. I am not to refer to Nnoitra as "the spoon-head guy". Especially if he's within hearing range.

27. Ichimaru Gin is not my PIC (Partner In Crime).

28. I will not ask Tousen if his sonar can see though clothes.

29. I will not pick out theme songs for the characters.

30. I am not to introduce the Bleach crew to fanficion.

31. Komamura Sajin is not "foxy".

32. I will not tell anyone (in anime-verse) what will happen in the future, using the manga as referance point.

33. Ikkaku is _not_ bald. The tape I have of him admitting it is not evidence, as he was under the influence of sake when I aquired it.

34. Vaizards are not wizards. None of them can take me to see Albus Dumbledore.

35. Rukia's drawings does not contain some cryptic message. I have to stop trying to decode them.

36. Ichigo's hollow doesn't answer to any of my ridicolous pet names.

37. I will not go up to Harribel, inspect her a long time, then ask seriously "Why do you cover your teeth when your tits are showing!"

38. Kon pays good money (Ichigo's) for pictures of Orihime, Rangiku, Nel and Harribel. Photoshopped pics of more then one of them in suggestive poses in the same frame makes you rich enough your grandchildren will be able to live in luxuary without working.

39. The jokes on Zabimaru and Zangetsu's names from anime episode 66 are not funny.

40. Toushiro may be cool, but that is not enough of a reason to use him as air conditioning during summer.

41. Hihio(sp?) Zabimaru is not a tapeworm.

42. Calling Ichigo "Strawberry-chan" (or something akin to that) will let me see the sharp end of Tensa(s or z? I forget) Zangetsu.

43. I am not to paint a black hole in the middle of my chest as an April fools joke.

44. I am not to paint one on anyone else either.

45. Stark does not need a blankie, or a goodnight kiss.

46. It is not called "Los Nachos".

47. Aaroniero does not have MPD or something.

48. I am not to use Hollow bait to make my "Haunted House" seem more real.

49. Szayel and Kurotsuchi does not make the perfect pair.

50. Stealing Lisa's porn and hiding it on Shinji might be fun, but stealing Hiyori's sandals and hiding them on Shinji is comedy gold.

_Thou have read, now shalt thou review!_

_(Please check the poll on my profile, I'm kinda stuck on what I should focus on...)_


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